Who the Fuck' am I?!?

So, I was watching this video on YouTube (The great Indian Wedding). This video is about some bride who is a perfectionist and about why she rejected 1000 grooms before she decided that one guy is a right one. But this post is not about her (besides the point that I think she is one of those confused Indian girls who couldn’t differentiate between strength and arrogance). But, one point she talked about made me think how that notion is so stupid. She says, and these are her words, ” Career defines me completely, My identity in todays world is because of what I am.” A lot of people wrongly define their identity as their career. I can totally relate to it, because it's one of the most fucked up notions people stubbornly live by here. Don't believe me? Okay, but when it happens to you, I will be right here with a disgusting scowl that says "Ha! Told'cha so!!".
 
Go and attend a family function. This is why I never socialize with relatives. The first and second questions almost all the guests ask you are “What are you doing now” and “How much do you earn”. What the effing fuck do you mean what am I doing now ? Don’cha see? I am enjoying my paneer dhokla, ya schmuck!. Oh, do you mean how I make money ? You don’t know how much now I hate question. I don’t even understand why these folks are so curious about how I make money. Why do they care? I most likely will never be seeing their sorry faces unless another family function comes along. So I later on learned not to talk about my job at all! (Believe me, try explaining to a bunch of ignorant fucks who are already drooling over the cash wad you pull in at the end of the month, about Clinical Research). Let me rephrase your question and answer that. I enjoy my life and if you would be kindly obliging, I wish to get done with your stoooopid question and enjoy my life some more. That’s what I did and that’s what I am doing now and that’s what I would do for the rest of my life. I started talking about how I enjoy my life and sometimes explaining why their life sucks! Sure, I’ve pissed them off - precisely my point!  

From a very  early age we are trained to answer questions about ourselves to associate their career with identity. Questions like “what do you want to become when you grow up” make every child get into that same disguising loop of thought that career is the one identity they should be focusing on!

I love to travel. I love music. I love converting a plain ass piece of paper into a tangled mass of psychedelic colors. I love playing on my guitar. I love to read and maybe, write. None of them have been my careers (but surely had an impact on how I, see and do things). So, if somebody is interested in knowing about me, should'nt they be asking “Who are you” “What do you like”? Nope. They ask me what do I do! What The Fuck do you mean what do I do? I've changed like 25 jobs, so on that definition, I changed my identity 25 times in my life .. I have been a waiter, I have been a bar-tender, a Disc Jokey, a event manager, a tele-sales representative, a junkie (Wait....... What!?? Never mind that). None of them could be my identity (except, maybe the junkie part. I' am still figuring that out). Sure, I made my money from them depending on how desperately I wanted to impress that cute chick with fake boobs. And sometimes I did nothing. So, does that mean I don’t have an identity ? Now, that I am making money (even if it's pathetic), you suddenly became interested in who I am.

I think this is why home-makers get so little value. People who make less money get so little value. If you are running a family means you have skills. If you do garbage, that doesn’t mean its your identity. Probably you can sing, or do graffiti, or jerk off for 10 straight days while listening to nu-metal. I dont know what drives you... But, there lies your identity. I' am not saying that just because I sit in a cold ass cubicle all day and you pick garbage for a living, you suddenly need to be interested in me. No. What I do want to say is, you could be the best painter around for miles and yet you may still end up picking garbage for a living (Yeah, seriously this garbage thing is kinda getting creepy) and yet it is only a matter of time and effort before people start seeing through a week's garbage before they finally realize what you really are. Sometimes you have to walk a few miles in the cold to reach a zone where people know you for what you are worth. But it’s there. You can find it, or you can make it. And when you find it, or make it, or break it.... I only pray that you be yourself; not just your job.